Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize