Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
