Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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