You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
