Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Mom said you looked used
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
