I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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