Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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