When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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