I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
