I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
