Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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