Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
