I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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