1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
