Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
