it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
