In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
