my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
