what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
