hotel room ftw
My room smells like vodka and shame
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
