Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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