it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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