I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
