I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
