It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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