we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
