i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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