is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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