I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I bet he comes in French.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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