i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
