Sorry, I don't speak sober.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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