Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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