Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize