Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
