a queef is a wish your heart makes.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
