You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
