never play flip cup with pint glasses
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize