it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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