He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
