I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
