Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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