just tell him i said nine months
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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