Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
