its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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