If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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