Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
