So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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