A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sorry my hands just texted you
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
