Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize