is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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