i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize