Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
All the doctor said was why
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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