conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
