i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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