You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
