Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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