Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My pussy is not your playground.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
