yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
