One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The ass gains better be worth it
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
