I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My ass is underappreciated
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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