There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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