I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize