But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
