i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You ruined the universe
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