I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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