fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
