Plan B is the new Plan A
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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