My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he shaved USA in his pubs
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
