is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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