How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
