I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
