It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
