I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
