goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
