ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
