I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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