The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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