I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
