Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
