it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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