i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
