In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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