Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
