its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
