i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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