To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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