K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
