i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
