P.S. I can't hear my feet
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
