What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
