I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
